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Thursday, August 9th, 2007
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3:13 pm - kaare iverson's portfolio
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| Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
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9:23 am - viva fidel
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My body seems to be rejecting "being alive". First it tried to murder me by giving me an epileptic seizure while holding hot Miso and chopsticks. Following that episode it offers me the gift of the worst zit of my life.
And then gives me Shingles.
Fuck you, body!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 29th, 2007
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10:43 am - Old Women and What They Get
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Envision this little scenario if you will:
I'm placidly riding my longboard down by Extra Foods in Ktown. I cross an intersection, still serene, but alert enough to be cautious of traffic, pedestrians and baby ducks. Yep, all clear, except for some old hag on a motorised wheel chair thing. One of those ones that's been personalised like a cast; like, "you're going to have this for awhile, you might as well make it homely."
So it's her and I. Tete a tete on a walkway that could easily accommodate two loaded semi-trucks. Yet she feels it necessary to steer towards me, effectively pushing me into the cars waiting at the stop line. I jump off my board. Pick it up. And step around her as she proceeds valiantly across the intersection at half the speed of smell. But as I walk past her she stops her little cart-of-death and lifts her weary head in my general direction. I'm not sure if her cataract afflicted eyes actually allowed her to see me...of if she just detected me with a shark-like ability to sense electro-magnetic fields, but she croaked out the following:
"Yooouuur stuuupid!"
I was on the phone with my Mom at the time, so I couldn't say too much, but I managed a sharp, "Watch yo-self."
And now I've spent the following two weeks coming up with things I wish that I had said to her. These include, but are not exclusive to:
"You fucking hag!"
"I truck fuck pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"
"Eat it, you old dyke!"
*knife tires*
"You're just jealous that you can't use your legs!"
"Oh, it's ON now!"
*unplug cart's battery*
"Maybe if you could pick up your emaciated old skull of a face, you could see where you were goin!"
"Skeletor!"
current music: metric - grow up and blow yourself away
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
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8:58 am
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Dreaming has been unfair to my conscious hours lately. I think that the part of my brain that separates dream from reality has been severed...like the corpus callosum of a severe Epileptic. My nightly hallucinations have been taking advantage of my emotions and just, generally, fucking my day over.
It's starting be become obvious that that one time I got drugged in a Chinese Discoteque was actually the most cranial damaging experience of my life.
Two weeks ago I dreamed that I was getting some play at a bar in Kelowna while fighting zombies by stirring the contents of their skulls with chopsticks. I'm still insatiably horny.
Last week I dreamed that Angie and I went out for dinner at the new steak house in town and while I was getting up to get order us some martinis, the bitch ate all the food. The morning after this one I had to physically restrain myself from punching her awake.
My biggest concern now is my day dreaming. Am I going to start attacking people because I'm living out a fantasy that I'm a level 32 Forest Mage or something? And what about old women and young children. I hate those two denominations so much that I'm prone to truck fucking them anyway. "She's a witch, she's a witch!"
Please don't lock me in an insane asylum.
current music: enya
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
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3:41 pm - There's Something About Mary
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Remember that scene with Ben Stiller?
The one where he zips his wiener into his fly
...
that happened to me last night
current music: Justice
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 17th, 2007
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11:03 am - shout out to the late pandora
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Dear Pandora Radio,
We in Canada miss you. We miss you like a leper misses the the fleshy bits of their ears that allowed them to funnel sound into their souls. We are depressed, Pandora, that our national music licensing council could not find it in their wisdom to allow you to channel new music to us. Depressed that they thought you were damaging the industry...and moreover that it's likely just a bureaucratic cash grab to make you purchase an extended license. We are thankful though, that Maggie at Pandora answered Kaare Iverson's email and explained this all to us...
Well, it still wasn't legal to stream to Canada even before (hence the
requirement for the US Zip code when registering).
At this point, the Canadian and other foreign rights holders have
requested that we block the stream to their countries. Up to this
point, we did not conduct IP detection. However, as we have started to
really pursue licensing abroad, we have-as a result-come under a lot of
scrutiny and had to strictly follow these restrictions imposed upon us.
I hope this helps, Kaare. No need to apologized either; these are very
valid and important questions when it comes to this situation.
Best regards,
Maggie @ Pandora
Kaare Iverson wrote:
> Hi Maggie,
>
> Thanks for the reply...it was much more diplomatic than mine.
>
> I actually didn't realise that music licensing was divided in such a way...I
> though for sure that there would have already been some sort of
> international licensing...
>
> How were you able to stream into Canada before without being shut down? Was
> there something that changed, or did they just catch on a little late?
>
> Sorry to pester you with these questions; it's just a point of interest to
> me now.
>
> Cheers,
>
>
>
> Kaare Iverson
> TBM BookManager Ltd.
> 411 Bernard Ave. Kelowna BC, V1Y 6N8
> Phone (250) 763-4415
> Fax (250) 763-5211
> www.bookmanager.com
> kaare@bookmanager.com
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Maggie [mailto:maggie@pandora.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2007 4:52 PM
> To: Kaare Iverson
> Cc: pandora-support@pandora.com
> Subject: Re: radio restrictions
>
>
> No this has nothing to do with US law or the recent restrictions
> here...in fact it is entirely separate. Thanks for understanding. This
> is really the last thing we want to do. Ultimately, we have been told by
> the Canadian rightsholders to discontinue streaming the music in Canada.
>
> Furthermore, there is simply NO license currently available to stream
> legally into Canada, for anyone. Not just Pandora. Int'l law mandates
> that all performers be paid and there is no body that has the rights to
> grant and administer this fee. So a 'label deal' doesn't actually do the
> trick. You need the equivalent of the DMCA/SoundExchange combo that
> exists in the US.
>
> Since our inception, we've been committed to respecting musicians and
> rightsholders, and while it's driving us crazy that we have to do this,
> we think it's the right thing to do.
>
> Our hope is that this shines a spotlight on the urgency for reform in
> the system for international licensing. The lack of a functional,
> centralized licensing scheme is clearly detrimental to working
> musicians, but we need to abide by the existing laws.
>
> You can trust that we'll continue to work as hard as we can to push this
> issue forward. Please feel free to spread the word yourself as well!
>
> Best regards,
>
>
> Maggie @ Pandora
>
>
>
> Kaare Iverson wrote:
>
>> Hi,
>>
>> I don't know who this is actually getting through to...but I just wanted
>>
> to
>
>> express my sorrow at losing Pandora in Canada. I haven't had time to
>>
> scoure
>
>> the internet (although I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find), and I'm in
>> more of an emailing mood right now, so I wanted to know, "why?"
>>
>> Does this have to do with those internet radio restrictions that were
>> recently in the works to be applied by congress in The States? If that's
>> the case, then pardon my French (and I'm not even bilingual), but fuck
>>
> them.
>
>> I wish that there had been something my voice could have done to help.
>>
>> Thank you for the service you provided though...it was great.
>>
>> Cheers,
>>
>>
>>
>> Kaare Iverson
>> TBM BookManager Ltd.
>> 411 Bernard Ave. Kelowna BC, V1Y 6N8
>> Phone (250) 763-4415
>> Fax (250) 763-5211
>> www.bookmanager.com
>> kaare@bookmanager.com
>>
>>
>>
>
>
> --
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.7.1/805 - Release Date: 5/15/2007
> 10:47 AM
>
>
>
--
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.7.1/807 - Release Date: 5/16/2007 6:05 PM
current music: jose gonzales
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 11th, 2007
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10:49 am - 800x600
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in an attempt to understand the ridiculousness of clients who run their computers on 800x600 resolution, i will be doing the same for the duration of the day.
the first thing that i've noticed is that the text that i am typing right now, in this very blog, is taking up about 300% of the screen. crazy i know...but this is why we have columnar blogs with a width of 800px or less...so that assholes who don't know the difference between left and right click can be accomodated.
i'd like to think that i've just typed an epic blog...since it's taking up my entire screen now. but i imagine that, more accurately, it's only 3 sentences long.
i'm pretty sure that my eyes are bleeding.
current music: electronic stuff
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 10th, 2007
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5:09 pm - emotional
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this was a harrowing and remarkably emotional experience for me
i think i'm going to get drunk now
current mood:  dirty
current music: the knife
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 4th, 2007
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10:09 pm - story time!
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i've been telling this great story lately, and i thought that it would only be prudent to tell the internet as well.
earlier today, i decided to splurge on a few albums at future shop, Feist, Junior Boys, and Bob Dylan.
i spent some time toiling about the store; finding albums that were marked as on-sale, but that i couldn't afford at the time and knowing that they would not be on-sale forever, hiding them throughout the store for pick up at a later time. pleased with my pseudo-criminal activity i then approached the till to tender the transaction. i was fully ready to pay the 40something blang that this would come to...but was shocked to see a total of 50something blangs. something had gone terribly awry!
i pointed this out to the dazed clerk, who responded incoherently and then set to a process involving what was somewhat reminiscent of Hackers except without the sweet graphics...and the scene where angelina jolie pulls a flashlight outta her twat. and eventually she produced a receipt approximately 2 metres long and told me that i would be credited back the difference since the bob dylan cd has been rung through at too high a rate.
i noted something now while punching my PIN into the keypad to authorise the rebate; she hadn't processed the original transaction...instead futureshop was giving me money and cd's. clearly this was a "thank you, and we're sorry" for all the bullshit i've put up with from their inept staff in the past. god was on my side today.
clearly the only action appropriate now was to call all my friends, one by one, and regale them with this tale, and this is just exactly what i did. i felt wonderful...i felt better than that one time that a girl let me touch her boobies.
annnnd then i got home and checked my bank balance and realised that I apparently just shut out the memory of authorising the original transaction...because it's definitely there now. this is was karma calls, "kaare, you're an ass"
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 30th, 2007
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3:44 pm - sniffle
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kaare: "why hello pneumonia, how are you this morning?"
pneumonia: "fine thank you an...oh, I'm sorry...I really have to run, sorry to be rude"
***pneumonia scampers off to induce headaches, nausea, dizziness and join pain in kaare...
kaare: "cool..."
current mood: sick
current music: bedouin soundclash
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 29th, 2007
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5:55 pm - reflections of creative writing class
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*class about to begin. general cacophony of mumbling. kaare leans in to talk to shay.
Kaare: "Check that chick over there...she's HOT...I'd totally hit that.
Shay: "Isn't that the chick that you hooked up with, like, literally just this weekend?"
Kaare: "Is it? Man that glass eye does wonders for her!"
*class begins
current music: beatles
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 23rd, 2007
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2:47 pm - sex
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| Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
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9:43 am - not surpirsed
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SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give.
Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!!
Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying.
Man...my horoscope always makes me look like a slut
it's so accurate
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
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8:17 am - a love that...failed to transcend political differences.
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i had a dream that i had a pet porcupine last night
and that he voted conservative
and i told him that we would never cuddle again
and he curled up in a ball of spines
and cried
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
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10:12 am - crucify me with them
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I try not to freak out about this alot, but I can't deal anymore.
I've prepared a short screneplay to detail the role of global media in political dastardliness(sp?)...
Fuck, k I remember my last post and it took forever to mark-up that format...reverting to prose now
Alright, here's the conclusion that I've come to based on my observations over the past few months. Well, it's really like one massive but mostly obvious observation that I'm venting about. Here goes...
Iran has made motions to trade its oil reserves (second largest in the middle east) in the Euro, effectively cutting out America's ability to profit off of the continued flow of currency...not good for those engaged in a trillion-or-so dollar war...especially if they keep hemoraging money thanks to "Iraq's archaic payroll system." Obviously, to defend their profitable position in the Middle East, they needed an excuse to engage Iran as an "Enemy of American values" (apparently we never learned from the Cold War). This was going to be a hard one for The States, following a decline in popular support from back home. Fortunately for them, we have Time magazine, who eagerly swallowed some financial dick and plastered Iran's leader as "The Most Dangerous Man on Earth?". Other News Corp. owned media collectives then played the roll of "good guy, liberal paper" by "cutting into The States" and "exposing the US's Iran attack plan". The US made some feeble attempt to defend their reasons for sending thousands of troops to Iran, then eventually "caved" to the media (sarcasm...sorry) and basically said, "well, you called us chicken, so here we are proving you wrong corporately owned and governmentally controlled media...please stop bullying us (still sarcasm), we'll do anything you want...
Western civilization is really shitting the bed on this one. Where are our suicide bombers?
-Kaare
current music: final fantasy
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 17th, 2007
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11:28 am - italian coconut fuck
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so last night, i get this plan to emulate the ways of the drunken boxer (from virtual figher...you know). we couldn't acquire any of those sweet gourds though...so in a last ditch effort to "keep it real" we used coconuts. there's coconut gore everywhere in my house now...i guess shaving them wasn't really necessary...but hey, how often do you get to shave a coconut?
anyway...then i fell off a roof.
but that's not what this is about.
this is about creepy men in vans. creepy men from (apply cheesy italian accent here) Prince George. i'm not even going to bother laying out the details, it's just going to be straight dialog from here on:
characters:
kaare (me): dressed as a ninja, drunk on coconut rum.
jesse (my doppel): not as good looking as me...has stupid hair.
creepy italian guy in van: creepy.
kaare: "doppel, check this out...there's always drug deals going on right he..."
CIGIV: "hey, can i buy cigarette?"
kaare: (lying)"sorry man, we're compl..."
jesse: (lying)"we're christians...sorry."
CIGIV: "where is store to buy cigarette?"
kaare: "well, there's a convenience store right through that gate there and to the left"(points with his manly fingers)
jesse: (lying doppelganger)"we're Jehovah's Witnesses"
CIGIV: "what, you don't fuck the pussy? where is the parties tonight, with the hot girls? can i buy some pot? come closer, i don't bite. what is your names?"
jesse: (lying from the crotch up)"no we don't have intercourse"
kaare: *now snickering nervously*
jesse: "i'm jesse, and this is kaa..."
kaare: "kaare, hi i'm kaare"
CIGIV: "ok, you go now...put 14 condoms on! fuck, fuck fuck!"
--kaare and jesse walk away--
jesse: "so, anyway, this 14 year old kid could totally control electricity with his mind!"
kaare: "i thought that you said he was 16?"
jesse: "oh yeah, i was thinking about condoms"
current mood: hungover
current music: holy fuck
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 12th, 2007
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9:07 am - cruchy shoulder bits
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so, after a months of training i finally sessioned my first tour de bloc climbing competition. it felt good, i felt good...then this tricky sequence of holds thought that i was just doing too damn well and ate my shoulder.
i image it was pretty tasty after all my training/healthy eatting...kind of like the ground chuck off of one of those japanese cows (the ones that they feed beer and massage all day...kobe, that's what they're called).
so i think that i'll be starting a new online presence, possibly on facebook...or even last.fm under the guise of "kobe_shoulder_69".
keep an eye out
also check for okpirate.com
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 28th, 2006
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11:53 am - del.ici.ous poetry
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| Thursday, December 21st, 2006
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11:11 pm - syrianna
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has anyone else seen syrianna? because it reminds me of why i want to annex my citizenship. and also why clooney is my favourite actor
Ever.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: end credits of syrianna
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
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9:25 pm - the dark side of nature
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Michael Crichton needs to take a fucking bullet to the brain.
Whoever thought that Twister was going to be a good idea was obviously some inbred, labotomy victim, lysol huffing oyster-pocket-douchebag!
Examples:
Dusty: Ha Ha! It's the wonder of nature, baby!
or perhaps, my favourite:
Jo: Have you lost your nerve?
Bill: Tighten your seatbelt.
This is seriously worse than that time that I had to write to Walt Disney and Touchstone Pictures to request two hours of my life back for watching The Hot Chick...and FUCK that was a bad movie!
rrrrgh
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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